so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you inspire me to be a worse person
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
