By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
