i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
True strength comes from lack of pants
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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