I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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