Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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