i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
