I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
