my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
