I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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