$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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