I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
