It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
