we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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