Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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