I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
nutella sex= disaster
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
