hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
