Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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