and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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