The maid of honor just puked.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
This is not my ceiling
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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