my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
