I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
