For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I smell like Dick and happiness
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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