you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
