Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
