Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
