you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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