She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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