You don't have asthma, your pregnant
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
