i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
