great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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