Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
As shirtless as possible
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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