First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
