my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It's official drugs can't kill me
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
