Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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