my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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