I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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