Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
