come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
