Plan B is the new Plan A
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
