I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
