You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
