remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
