I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I cockslap morals
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
