Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
