I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
