Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
