what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
