You surviving the open bar?
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My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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