remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
