dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
