i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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