i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
